Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - October 2006

01/10/06  ||  Global Domination

Iron Maiden: A matter of life and death

7.5 /10

Lord K: Maiden’s strongest effort in many, many years. This is almost better than the albums with Blaze. 7

Ripper Bendix: This stuff IS better than “Dance of Death”... but was that really hard to do? This is a yo-yo album of sorts. At first you’ll find it boring, then after a few spins it grows on you and you love it, then after even more spins you’ll get bored again and the whole shit starts from square one. Still good stuff, though! 8

Rafal: The metal heroes are back with a brand new album and damn me, it rocks like a motherfucker. It’s not as fresh as “Brave New World” but at least it’s not as polished as “Dance of Death”. One of the best true metal albums I have heard in 2 or 3 years. Iron Maiden’s done it again. 7

Desert Eagle: It’s no “Brave New World”, but then again, what is? “Brave New World” is. Duh, you fucking idiot. Why do I even bother reviewing this shit, you don’t pay attention to me anymore. I think we should review other people. 8

Syrrok: It would be insincere of me to give this anything less than what I gave it in my review of it on this site. I love this album and it makes me look forward to turning 53 years old. 8

The Abyss: Iron Maiden, just like Motörhead and Slayer will always sound the same, at least at the core. While all 3 bands may experiment (well ok, 2 of the bands) their basic formula stays the same, but I think Maiden is the only one who’s actually found something that works. “Brave New World” and “Dance Of Death” sounds like warm-up games with the culmination of “A matter of life and death”. There’s some solid songwriting here and ol’ Bruce just gets better and more passionate with each record. Sounds like Maiden’s finally grown into their 3 guitarist suit and made it fit. 7

Goatwhore: A haunting curse

6.5 /10

Lord K: Aggression together with some annoyingly loud toms and killer vocals = Goatwhore. This is some decent deadly metal with a few hints at the black metal side of things. They didn’t sound this good when we toured with them in Japan a few years ago, nor on the CD that they gave to me, so this is a nice improvement in all areas. I’m slightly suprised. 7

Ripper Bendix: Great fucken stuff that is best when the blastbeats stop. The production could be a bit better, now that I’ve listened to the album more often, but the bottom line still is that Goatwhore rule the fucken shit. 9

Rafal: 50% black metal, 30% death metal and 20% groove. Totally, completely and fuckin’ surprisingly the said numbers work well for Goatwhore. Metal release de luxe. 8

Desert Eagle: I’ve always said that the bandname always amused me more than any music they’ve ever done. That hasn’t changed. The music isn’t bad but damn is Goatwhore a solid name. 7

Syrrok: What exactly did these guys set out to do? Hold on, let me research their scary webpage (hum a Goatwhore song for a minute. Oh yeah, you can’t name ONE Goatwhore song… just hang on then). They don’t even have a real website cuz they are “too busy touring”. I dont’ know what it takes to appreciate this stuff, maybe that’s the problem. Do I have to have a steady back catalogue of old Venom and garbage like that? The guitars are all fuzzy, the vocals sound like clouds on a rainy day (absolutely unexciting), and I guess I just hope that these guys at least have fun doing what they’re doing. 1

The Abyss: Filthy and sludgy black metal that isn’t afraid to slow things down to crush your bones blunt object-style before continuing the barrage of piercing blast beats, to ensure you’ll bleed for as long as possible. Good shit! The vocals get a bit dull in the longrun though. 7

Suffocation: Suffocation

6.1 /10

Lord K: One of all those “legendary” death metal bands who never got their break in the past and will continue not to get a break today. In this case it’s justified. Competent, but justified. 6

Ripper Bendix: Good, solid stuff from a good, solid death metal institution. Thank you 7

Rafal: It’s actually the first album of Suffocation that I have heard in, like, 5 years or so. I can’t say I’m much of a fan but this time the guys have produced a complete artistic release that harks back to the old days. The old spirit of their first albums is here, though now more brutalized and exposed to a little touch-up. It’s good they are still around and are not going to give up. 7

Desert Eagle: Fuck fucking yeah. Let’s fucking fuck the fuck out of fucking fuck. This shit is fuck. In a good way. 8

Syrrok: I’m no fan of blastbeats that drown out guitar riffs. That being said, I’ve never dug this stuff. I still don’t, regardless of the “Mastodon” factor regarding whether you should like this or not. 4

The Abyss: A classic death metal band that don’t really do much for me. A good performance, both musically and vocally, but something is lacking. Maybe it just takes 10 more spins. Nah, fuck that. Can’t be arsed. 5

Mastodon: Blood mountain

5.8 /10

Lord K: I never understood the acclaimed greatness of Mastodon, but this passes for decent music. Brann’s drumming is ofcourse the highlight of the band. 6

Ripper Bendix: I never understood Mastodon. It’s okay stuff and I’m not really getting fucken excited here. So what? 5

Rafal: Is this one as good as the debut and “Leviathan”? Hell yes. The quality bar is raised once again, being proof that Mastodon have uncanny abilities to compose original music and write interesting lyrics. Satan knows if they will manage to top this one. 8

Desert Eagle: More like Mastobate! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh god, how hilarious. Yeah, this sucks 3

Syrrok: The ultimate band that I “should” like, but that I just don’t. It seems like people are either on these guys’ nuts or feel like ripping them off. I’m neither. Their music just makes me feel nothing. 4’s also make me feel nothing. 4

The Abyss: I wished for it, but I didn’t dare get my hopes up but oh yes, the mighty Mastodon has not only kept even pace with the masterpiece “Leviathan” but actually surpassed it with “Blood mountain”. This one has more of everything. More dual leads, more strange breakdowns in strange time signatures, more drumfills, more conceptual nerdery and most of all, more experimentation. “Bladecatcher” is probably the wackiest song Mastodon’s ever done, bringing up bands like Fantomás and Dillinger Escape Plan as well as Cathedral (believe it or not), but it actually works! 9

Pitbulls In The Nursery: Lunatic

5.8 /10

Lord K: “Deaf producers in the studio” would be a more appropriate moniker. Despite the irritating sound, these guys got some cool ideas thrown around with their quite technical and playful death metal. I take a bit of liking in it. 6

Ripper Bendix: You won’t win a fucken Oscar with that bandname, that’s for fucken sure. The name sucks, the production sucks, but the music is pretty cool. 6

Rafal: Despite the long-ass and cheesy moniker, the Frogeaters can pull off a good gem of grinding death metal. I hadn’t hoped for this so let me say that I was blown away at some points of this release. Strong work that should satisfy every tough metalhead. 7

Desert Eagle: It’s not as bad as you probably think it is. Stop being so narrow-minded, you asshole. Actually, I would go as far as saying that it’s good. That’s pretty far for me. 8

Syrrok: Horrible. 1

The Abyss: One of the very few intros I’ve ever heard that actually sounds great and makes me anxious to hear the rest of the album. Luckily PITN (shit name, change it!) doesn’t drop the ball but churns out 57 min of technical death metal that stays away from constant blasting in favour of the oft forgotten groove and infuses traces of thrash and more old school death to keep things intersting. Pick any song at random, it’s bound to be good. Extra kudos for an audible and good bassist. 7

Blind Guardian: A twist in the myth

5.3 /10

Lord K: Bring out your swords, horses and shining armor/penises, the gay circus is in town again. I’m sad to say that this isn’t as bad as I have grown accustomed to when we are discussing the guardians. But believe me, it’s in no fucken way much good either. They should be fucken hung for writing a tune like “Skalds and shadows”. 3

Ripper Bendix: I used to be the number one BG fan, homies, but they pretty much have lost everything that I thought was cool about them. Does this make me a F.O.T.? A Friend-of-Thomen? Who cares? Get back to your fucken roots you prancing gaylords. 4

Rafal: New album, new drummer, new nothing. Blind Guardian stays the same and nothing will ever change that. Power/heavy metal muddled up with folk/celtic passages are factors why the band is loved by millions. Too enjoyable to omit but too long to actually appreciate. 7

Desert Eagle: Blind fucking Guardian! FALSETTOOOOOOOOO!!!! MIDDLE EARTH!!! 9

Syrrok: Ya know I dig the sincerity that Blind Guardian brings. Unlike 80% of the AA bands, these guys actually BELIEVE in what they are doing. They aren’t trying to get laid, they aren’t trying to exercise their “daddy demons” through the PA, they just write, at least what they think, are epic tunes full of melody, flutes, and joyous power. My tastes don’t bring me to center with this stuff completely, but I nod my head a whole lot more for this stuff than “fuck up everything, rush the stage!” garbage. 5

The Abyss: Ahh, I don’t know… Blind Guardian used to be an ok band back in their day but then they lost something (and I’m not just talking about Thomen Stauch). I mean, you can tell this is BG, it’s just not very good. I suggest you go to Persuader or Savage Circus if you want something better then this. 4

Panzerchrist: Battalion beast

5.3 /10

Lord K: I want the sound of “Room service” back even if this new direction of Panzerchrist is ok, though a huge step down for being Panzerchrist. More info here. 7

Ripper Bendix: What now? Death metal or black metal? I loved the fucken growls on the last one and the funny-ass death metal (come on, you don’t take this band serious, do you?) as well, but what now? Everything that was cool is gone. NEXT! 5

Rafal: As everyone who’s already gotten around to hearing this one, I’m not impressed at all. Too much of black metal riffage and the fact that Bo’s growl has been reduced to zero (almost) makes me think that Panzerchrist have lost “it” along the way. They are no longer the same band who once recorded a masterpiece like “Roomservice”. Fuckin’ shame. 6

Desert Eagle: This is Panzerchrist?! I had to check and make sure I didn’t have the wrong thing in the player, but god damn I guess it is Panzerchrist. Uh, it’s ok for black metal I guess, but it’s fucken not ok for Panzerchrist. What the fuck? 5

Syrrok: This one is just crazy. I guarantee there was NO ONE who did not enjoy their last album. It was revolutionary in many ways of death metal experiencing. And on the heels of something like that they come up with THIS? I can’t help but respect what they’ve done in the past but this album just does not do it. They are a death metal band, with black metal tendencies, not the other way around. 4

The Abyss: While many black metal bands seem to move more towards death metal, Panzerchrist seem to take the opposite journey. The results? Well… it’s no “Roomservice”, let’s put it like that. It’s not bad but it just doesn’t fit the Danes as well as the battletank metal they used to play. A shame, and I hope they either change back again for the next album, or find a working compromise between the two genres. 5

Enter The Hunt: For life. ‘Til death. To hell. With love.

5.1 /10

Lord K: Enter The Hunt wants to be more special than they actually are. They have a decent thing going with their half-metal and nicely executed vocals, but it’s hardly making the revolution in music that I’m sure they are aiming for. 5

Ripper Bendix: Yay, my good friend mediocricy has found his way into my life again. Mark my words… Mediocre stuff is WAY worse than the worst shit because with 100% bad albums you’ll at least find something to write about apart from “meh” or “feh”. 5

Rafal: At first I had to deal with my own sickness towards the band. However, as the time was flowing by, I started to appreciate them and now I can say I like this effort in small pieces. They mix alternative rock with metal and the result is all fine as long as you don’t repeat the album too often. 7

Desert Eagle: So, this is like radio rock. Rock does not dominate. Why am I reviewing non-dominaty music. I will dominate it by giving it a bad score. My dominance over undominancy is all encompassingly dominant. 3

Syrrok: I get some serious Life of Agony vibes from these guys. I imagine the guitarists play Les Pauls, completely unacceptable for real metal bands, but these guys are so “outside of it all” I’m sure. Various choruses on this album are catchy, but unless you are going to your 18 yr old nephew’s birthday party then there’s really no reason to have this disc in yer collection. 3

The Abyss: A very promising debut by a band that’s already been signed to a major label (without sounding like metalcore, despite the 3 word bandname). An impressive performance, especially by the vocalist and the drummer. Fans of Khoma, Ocean and the more avantgarde side of pop should love this. 8

Lamb of God: Sacrament

5.1 /10

Lord K: I never had the hots for this band but Lamb of God’s thrashy metal is very neatly executed and quite groovy at times. This is definitely alot better than I remember them to be. A fist in the air to the somewhat great vocals. Pantera called though, they want their lost material back. 6

Ripper Bendix: Anybody remember “Blackend”? They were a carbon copy of Metallica just like this here is a carbon copy of Pantera. 4

Rafal: They haven’t put anything new into this release. What’s more, it could have been entitled “Ashes of the Wake part II” and no one would actually notice it. The same ideas, the same production, and even almost the same songs. “Redneck”, being probably the best song by them in years, doesn’t help the album in any way. 4

Desert Eagle: I’ve never liked the dude’s vocals, but I’ll be god damned if the music isn’t great on this album. I just have to concentrate on the music and maybe the singer won’t ruin it for me. 7

Syrrok: The Pantera for the new generation. Tough guy stuff and some fairly catchy guitar material. Like SYL, these guys come over HUGE live, but leave a stale taste in album form for me. I think the production could have been much more “up front” but this is a definite step up from the other albums they did that I can’t even name nor care to. 6

The Abyss: You are not as good as Pantera. Give it up. 4

Harkonin: Ghanima

4.8 /10

Lord K: Harkonin’s quite weak production doesn’t help the material, which is a shame as Harkonin could do so much better with their (most of the time) death metal. 6

Ripper Bendix: Hear hear! Now this is more like it, hahaha. Filthy fucking shit with just the right dose of rock to keep me interested. Thanks for brightening up my AA, lads. Wheee! 7

Rafal: Typical, raw black metal with a little touch of rock’n’roll-ish groove. I can’t think of any references at the moment, but I don’t have to. Followers follow, haters hate. 6

Desert Eagle: Clichéd fucking cocksmoking Jesus worshipping black metal. They even have nature sounds. I use that shit to go to sleep, motherfuckers! Where’s the chirping deer and swimming plants?! FUCK. 2

Syrrok: This album has some serious “tin-can” production, meaning it sounds like it was recorded in a one-take rehearsal studio session. The vocals are generic, the riffs dont’ go far in terms of furthering any groove, and… well, whatever. I’m going deep sea fishing. 2

The Abyss: Thrash and black metal is not really a new sound (it’s actually one of the oldest), but when it sounds as entertaining and heartfelt as Harkonin I can’t help but give it a thumbs up. For fans of Nifelheim and Bewitched. 6

Into Eternity: The scattering of ashes

4.1 /10

Lord K: Buy a gun. Buy ammo. Find the one who’s doing clean vocals. Shoot him. Then wound all the other members of this pathetic fucken shit band. 2

Ripper Bendix: I must’ve done something bad in my former life to deserve this kind of punishment, I guess. This album will make you a flaming metrosexual. 2

Rafal: They seem to be It Dies Today lovers. No, they are their brothers and sisters. I do not know anyone who could handle this overdose of clean, gay vocals and sweet, girlie guitars. Please, metalcore, get the fuck out of this world. I feel castrated and buttfucked. 2

Desert Eagle: I listened to this over and over again and I’m not sure if I’m really impressed or really let down. It reminds me more of their second album which is all well and good since that was a terrific piece. Stu is a bit nutty with his vocals at times but the rest of the time he sounds awesome. Fuck it, I love it. 9

Syrrok: Dream-metal vocals, pretty fancy guitarwork, and touring with Megadeth. You think with traits like that I’d be all over it. Oh, but it’s missing the groove. I have no idea where it is on this thing except on a few choruses. And they ARE GOOD choruses for sure, but there is too much messin’ around with the instruments in between them. This follows the entire disc. 5

The Abyss: A clear case of interesting ideas but not being able to make it work in reality. The style is inspired by Nevermore but Into Eternity have more things going for them songwriting-wise. The growls are ok but the clean vocals sounds real weak and aenemic in comparison to… well, most singers actually. 5

National Napalm Syndicate: Resurrection of the wicked

3.3 /10

Lord K: More thrashy metal, this time with complete shit vocals. The name of the band surpasses their music by far. And it’s not even that good a name to begin with. 3

Ripper Bendix: Come on, let’s make up exciting sounding slogans for this album! Like: “Once in a while an album appears at the horizon – this is just such an album”. Or maybe: “This album will leave you in your seat with your arms on the armrests and your feet squarely on the ground”. Man, seriously, mediocricy is my enemy and sound pretty much exactly like this. 3

Rafal: The name sounds cool to my ears. The music is less cool. Weary thrash metal rollin’ on a steady pace leads to nothing but boredom. It’s good for a spin or two but the more you listen to it, the more uninspiring it gets. Put on Hatesphere instead. 5

Desert Eagle: I guess there’s always one of these bands every month. A band that’s so good that all the other bands look like shit in comparison. This is not that band. I’m such a tease! 4

Syrrok: High School talent show caliber material shining through on this totally awesomely stagnant disc of farts. There is no way these guys will trigger the resurrection of the wicked. 1

The Abyss: This band has a very American sounding style but they have more in common with Bay Area thrash and Corrosion Of Conformity than metalcore or NWOAHM. Fair enough, as long as you don’t mistake this for an actual good band. It’s just too anonymous. 4

Destroy Destroy Destroy: Devour the power

3.1 /10

Lord K: If I have to type their moniker one more time I’m going to shit in my neighbour’s mailbox and blame it on Syrrok. Is Dani Filth’s abominable sister doing some vocals here? This is the first and last time I will ever listen to these fucken morons version of semi-metal. Make up your fucken minds as for what to play. This doesn’t hold up, fuckers. 3

Ripper Bendix: With a bandname like that, really, what the fuck do you expect? 4

Rafal: Destroy x3 reminds me a bit of Skyfire and early Children of Bodom, so it’s the kind of stuff to either love or hate. The whole albums feel like one, long track cut into small pieces. I give these guys some credit for playing cool heavy metal riffs every now and then, but I’d hang the vocalist for the high-pitched screams if I ever got a chance to. Die Die Die. 4

Desert Eagle: Generic generic generic. I wonder how many reviews made the same joke joke joke? Hah! Twice! Ok, imagine a donkey fucking you in the ass but then afterwards you get some ice cream. That’s how I feel about this band. Like, was it really worth getting raped by that donkey? 4

Syrrok: I dig the name and the efforts these guys make towards thrashy stuff. Funny little keyboards here and there to throw a new twist. But then the incoherant and completely out-of-place vocals come into the stuff and you realize it’s just more bored midwest kids junk. This album makes people fuck fish. 2

The Abyss: Is this Dani Filth singing? Who the hell would be dumb enough to let him bring down yet another band? The alternative, that there’s actually two people who sound just as shit, is quite depressing really. Musically I’d say this is like a happy pop band trying to write death/thrash/black metal. It’s like listening to Sabbat (UK) but without the actual talent nor ideas. In other words, fucking unbearable. 2

Behold… The arctopus: Nano-nucleonic cyborg summoning

1.8 /10

Lord K: This hybrid of death metal, jazz-shit, bullshit arrangements and what not, is shit. I don’t care if they are the best fucken musicians since Leif Edling (but they are not), this is just irritating and makes me wanna force-feed the ones responsible with a horde of angry bees. At least there are no vocals or we’d end up with a zero-rating. 1

Ripper Bendix: Tedious, obscure shit. There’s more swearwords in my detailed review somewhere on this site in the future, but for now, just know that this stuff here will give you a headache, or airborne AIDS. 1

Rafal: Maybe I’m too close-minded but I don’t seem to find anything but constant instrument wankery on this piece of crap. Music for music’s sake. 1

Desert Eagle: So last month was Sleep Terror and this month is this shit. It’s hard to get into but it is rather intersting. It’s probably a little more coherent and structured compared to Sleep Terror, so that’s good. If you like weird instrumental metalish bands then this shit is for you. 6

Syrrok: Art school metal is so much fun to listen to, huh? You have all the wacky fender-bendy riffs, then like a blastbeat, ooohhh… and then a nice jazz solo, and then… OH, FUCK YOU! 1

The Abyss: I like wanking as much the next guy, but sometimes it just gets too much and you want a bit of variation. This band obviously has no clue and is about as enjoyable as a handjob by Freddy Kreuger. 1

It Dies Today: Sirens

1.8 /10

Lord K: They must die today. Ripper will steal this line from me (becoz great geniuses think alike), I’m sure. 2

Ripper Bendix: THEY must fucken die today, and I am very sure there won’t be any fucken SIRENS because nobody will be arsed to call the god damn ambulance. 1

Rafal: Is it supposed to be a joke? If so, then it’s very weak ‘cause I’m not laughing. Fuck cheesy emo-core and the kids who listen to it. Die right away. 2

Desert Eagle: It may indeed die today but if it does, then it does really late into the night, and of natural causes. Like a fucken bitch. A flock of seagulls wearing emo bitch.2

Syrrok: Into a pillow filled with black feathers. Tears of sorrow only negotiable through 18 viewings of “Nightmare before Christmas”. Then we put on tight black jeans and smoke in a cemetery until daylight comes. 2

The Abyss: You wanna know how much this sucks? My Dying Bride released a fantastic album 1993 called “Turn loose the swans”. It Dies Today has a song called “Turn loose the doves”. This crap is enough to make God reconsider the Day of Judgement and just cast us all into hell and be done with it. If that happens, you know who to blame. 2